I still can t let you go
by Caro2904
Summary: Because they can t ignore that feeling, because they are meant to be and because I can t wait for season 10. Maybe its just a one shot, maybe I will continue.
1. Chapter 1

Arizona POV

It was quite a stormy night, not as bad as that particular one, but still kind of frightening . Sofia had a sleepover at Meredith's and so there was no need for Arizona to go home, no one was waiting for her. She decided to stay in the hospital, again. She entered that very particular on call room. The one in which she cheated on her wife, the one in which she destroyed her family. Arizona was visiting this room from time to time just to remind herself that it was really over, that she really lost the love of her life, the one woman she loved more than everything.

To Arizona it was kind of funny that she still couldn't let her go. It's been a little over a year since they broke up, but she still searched for Callie in the middle of the night when she was just half awake. She still waited for Callie to come home after a hard day at work, but she never did. But still Callie took her breath away without even trying. But there are moments as well, when her leg hurts like hell and there it is again – the unforgiveable thing, the broken trust, the blame, the guilt. So all in all Arizona Robbins was kind of screwed.

It was 3 a.m., she lost two patients in her last shift and she was tired. She entered the on call room, turned the light on, she wanted to…

"Ohhh TURN THE FREAKING LIGHT OFFF!"

"Jesus Christ!" Arizona exhaled and did turn the light off. She needed a second to compose herself and then she realized that this not so friendly voice belonged to someone special. "Callie? You scared the crap out of me!" Arizona remembered many nights when she came home and Callie was already asleep. She remembered how grumpy her wife could get, but most of all she remembered how naturally Callie put her arms around her and that always felt like home. Always.

"Callie, do you mind?" Arizona asked and pointed to the couch in opposite to the one Callie laid on.

"mhhhhhh ….. mhhhhhhhhhhh" Callie said.

Arizona smiled and lay down. She was exhausted, she really was. But her wife, whom she wasn't allowed to watch anymore slept right in front of her. So there was no way for her to find some sleep. She just looked at that beautiful woman. Callie was so tired; she has been for nearly two years now. She rarely really laughed anymore, she lost weight and a lot of hope – Arizona could tell just by looking at her . But still she was the most extraordinary woman Arizona has ever seen.

"You are starring." Callie mumbled suddenly and Arizona was kicked of her memories…

"You are awake." The blonde woman stated the obvious.

"I am trying not to be. So stop starring, that's creepy."

"I am sorry… But it's not creepy. It's romantic…-in a weird and perky way."

"We are not romantic. Not anymore… " With that Callie turned around, signaled that this conversation was over.

Immediately Arizona felt sad and closed her eyes to stop the tears from coming. But Callie was right. They were not romantic, not anymore. This was so not Arizona's cup of tea. Not anymore. This was now Jennifer's thing to do. From what Arizona heard – and the hospital gossip is pretty reliable- Callie had a new girlfriend. She was an ortho nurse and it was all pretty young. So Callie didn't talk to her about it. But on the other hand was this something Callie had to do? Arizona didn't talk to her about all the other women she slept with after Callie filed for divorce about 4 month ago. All this women meant nothing to Arizona; she just tried to fill the emptiness in her life. But Jennifer and Callie they were going for a real thing and to know about that hurt like hell. Suddenly Arizona felt so freaking lonely, because even though Callie was right in front of her she was actually miles away…

"Jesus Arizona, your thoughts are screaming." Callie interrupted her.

"I am sorry. I will try to think a little bit lower." Arizona said with that lovingly portion of irony.

"You were never able to do that." Callie admitted.

"Yeah…"

And then there was a pleasant silence. They kind of enjoyed each other's company. It's been a long time since they shared moment of peace like that. It's been too long.

"Callie?" Arizona suddenly panicked; she didn't want to let this opportunity to just fade away.

"Yes. I am still here."

"Yeah I know. I can see you… Besides you promised to never leave. Remember?" Arizona remembered that time. It was horrible, because Nick died, but she knew she would get through this. Callie would be there. And now…

"Yeah and you kind of promised to never cheat." Callie countered without hesitation but with great sadness and a lot of pain.

"It was right here, you know… This thing with Lauren." Arizona didn't know why she said that. Callie didn't need to know this. She should let her go, be happy.

"I know. People talk over here. They talk a lot." With that Callie turned around again, so she could see Arizona as well. God knows why…

"Then why did you come here?"

"Why did you?"

"I don't know…"

"Me neither…"

"Callie, how did we get here?" In that moment Arizona could physically fell her broken heart. She had it all. Once she had it all.

"We both don't know…"

"No, I mean…"

"I know what you mean. But I don't have an answer." Even through the darkness Arizona saw Callies eyes. She told the truth. She had no answer and she was asking herself the same question.

"I never thought we would end up here." Arizona whispered while tears flowed down her cheek. "I was so happy. We both were, weren't we?"

"Yes, we were… But then there were two break ups, before we both almost died and before… Dr. Boswell." Callie stated and she sounded so said, it broke Arizona's heart. But she was right. "Anyway... How are you, Arizona?" Callie cleared her throat.

"I am okay. I guess. I am trying. How are you … and Jennifer?"

"We are okay. I guess…"

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" She just wanted to know.

"Because, this is hard enough already. It is hard not be disappointed when I wake up in the middle of the night and see her and not you. It is hard to ignore the pain when I see her playing with Sofia. And it is sometimes really hard to not wish she was… someone else." Callie was crying as well. But there was no use in lying…

"Calliope… " Arizona whispered softly and full of love…

"No, its ok. Get some sleep." Callie finished and turned around again. Once again this conversation was over.

They laid there in silence. Arizona was sure that Callie was sleeping, before she said:

"I still love you so much." After that she closed her eyes.

One single tear ran down Callies cheek. She was awake. She heard Arizona. She loved her as well.

When Arizona woke up a few hours later, Callie was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**I am kind of overwhelmed. Thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites. And thank you "ItsmeCharlee" for your review – this is the kind of stuff I am looking for. **

**Since I have no idea where this is going: please tell me what you think could/would happen…**

It was 11:30 p.m. and Arizona's pager went wild on her nightstand. She wasn't on call actually, but she was a doctor and the tiny humans get sick everyday every time. So she wasn't surprised to hear that very familiar ring tone. But she was surprised –no actually shocked- when she read the line on the display "911 – its Sofia".

15 Minutes later Arizona ran into the ER. She was wearing old jeans, a gray t-shirt and she was not so sure if her prostatic was sitting properly. She couldn't care less. She arrived the nurse station and was about to ask where Sofia was when Callie approached her from behind.

"Wow, you are fast." Callie stated with amazement.

"Are you kidding me? Where is Sofia?"

"Are you freaking out?" Callie asked very calmly.

"Yes! Why aren't you?" Arizona didn't understand what was going on.

"Because I strongly believe our girl has nothing serious." Callie stated. She was always more calm when it was about Sofia. Arizona often thought this must be because she was her biological mother. Callie could feel if something was really wrong or if it was just a tiny infect.

"YOU PAGED ME 911!"

"Yeah… About that: I am sorry, the 911 wasn't really necessary… But I wanted you to diagnose her. So, she is right over there complaining abdominal pain." Callie finally informed Arizona.

"Calliope Torres… I was that close to a heart attack." Arizona exhaled in great relief and went over to see her daughter.

"Hey munchkin, what's wrong?" She greeted her girl and snuggled with her for one tiny moment. Arizona recognized Jennifer but decided to ignore her for the moment.

"Momma, Sofia's belly hurts." Her tiny human responded. Callie could see Sofia immediately felt comfortable after Arizona was there with her and scanned her abdomen.

"Oh yeah, baby girl. You have a very angry appendicitis. But the good news is you will get your favorite ice cream for the rest of the week. Well after we did something about that hurting belly of yours."

"Can Momma and Sofia eat the ice-cream together?" Sofia asked forgetting about her pain.

"Yes of course, we can. I am so looking forward to it." It broke Arizona's heart to hear that her own daughter had to ask if she would stay with her while she was sick. "I think we should invite Mr. Bear as well. What do you think?"

"Yes and Miss Monkey." Sofia added excited.

"Of course!" Arizona took a few more moments to talk to Sofia before she went to Jo Wilson.

"You know can't do it myself…" she informed Wilson.

"I already paged Alex. He should be here any minute."

"Thank you Wilson." Arizona gave that young doctor instruction to dose pain killers for Sofia and then she went back to her girl. Callie and Jennifer were there talking to her. Jealousy. Guilt. Sadness. That was what Arizona felt. This was her family, but it seems that she was no longer a part of it.

Two hours later Arizona set next to Sofia. The surgery was over. Alex had allowed her to look over his shoulder. He has done an amazing job. Well he had a good teacher. Sofia would be fine. Two weeks from today she wouldn't feel a thing anymore. Arizona just held her daughters hand; there was no way she would leave her. She loved that little girl so much. She never thought it was possible to love a tiny human that much. She would give anything for her. That's what she always told herself. Maybe she should have tried a little harder after the leg thing. Maybe she should have just suck it up. Definitely she should have walked away from Lauren Boswell. Arizona heard the door open; Callie walked in and sat on the other side of the bed.

"Again sorry about the 911 thing… I wasn't thinking." Callie whispered. She didn't want to wake their child.

"It's okay… Whenever she is hurt it is 911 to me." Arizona admitted, but didn't take her eyes off Sofia.

"Yeah I know…" Callie responded and in moments like this she understands why she just can't stop loving this blonde woman over there…

"Why didn't you just knock at my door?" Arizona suddenly asked and looked at Callie.

"What?"

"When Sofia was in pain… Why didn't you just knock at my door? You live right across the hall." Arizona wanted to know but she already had a feeling…

"Because we weren't home. We were at Jennifer's, having dinner there." Callie said abashed.

"Dinner at 11 p.m.?" Arizona kept asking suspiciously.

"We wanted to spend the night there. Okay? There I said it. Are you happy now?" Callie responded, trying to defend herself and angry because she even thought she had to defend herself.

"And when did you wanted to tell me about your new girlfriend?"

"You already know. What was there to tell?"

"I don't know. Maybe we could have talked about the fact you are trying to establish a third mom in Sofia's life?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Arizona!"

"I am not, okay. But I am afraid that one day she will call Jennifer Momma and I will be the nice lady from across the hall…"

"Do you hear yourself?"

"No Callie. I really mean it. I lost my leg, Mark, who was like a really annoying brother to me, I lost you and I could easily kill myself if I would lose Sofia as well. So all I am asking for is for you to talk to me." She said desperate.

"Yes and since I didn't lose anything I have no right to complain about all the other women you screwed…"

"Callie…"

"No, Arizona. Listen to me: we are broken up. You don't have a say in this."

"But Jennifer will take my place."

"And whose fault is that? " Callie asked getting angrier by the minute.

"You said you would never leave!" Arizona stated a little bit too loud the little girl between them opened her eyes but fell asleep again shortly after.

"And you said you loved me." Callie countered with such sadness und such a huge amount of pain.

"But I did and I still do by the way…"

"Oh that's why you slept with someone else and that's why you still hate me for saving your life…"

"I don't hate you Callie, I could never hate you. Don't ever think that. If I could, this would be all so much easier." Arizona tried to explain. In that moment she was so shocked that Callie doubted their love for each other. Arizona always thought that love was never their problem.

"Then why Arizona, why?" Callie asked. She just wanted to know.

"I don't know. I wish I would have an answer. The only thing I know for sure is that I am not myself when you and Sofia aren't in my life…"

"Well" Callie said with hesitation and tears in her eyes "I can promise you…" and then she paused. Promise. She swore she would never say that again. "I can guarantee that Sofia will play a huge role in your life."

And with that Arizona knew their conversation was over. She knew Callie needed time to process. She knew was lost in her own thoughts right now. She just knew Callie.

About thirty minutes later Arizona was paged, she had to leave but promised to be back as soon as she could.

Sofia woke up the next morning and asked: "Where is Momma?"

"She has to work but I should give you one super magic kiss and should tell you to get the gang ready, because her Momma will be back really soon and you will eat a lot ice-cream. Like really a lot of ice cream!" Callie explained to her child.

"Great. I think life is better when Momma is around." Sofia stated as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Yeah… I think that, too." Callie said.


	3. Chapter 3

**Again thank you very much for the reviews and stuff. **** I think it is kind of cool to see that I am by far not the only who cares a little too much about these two doctors. I really appreciate your thoughts, because I really don't know how to bring them together, for real. Any thoughts?**

First of all Sofia was fine again. She recovered pretty quickly and was so proud because she had her first surgery as well. Just like her Moms. Arizona recognized that Callie let her see Sofia more often. She even had Sofia for some nights. But Arizona recognized as well that Callie was avoiding any conversation which wasn't strictly about Sofia or work. That's just the way it was.

Arizona was about to have a pretty busy day but before she had to go to a conference of the board members. She was now sitting there and really wanted to listen to what Jackson had to say but this was one of the rare moments when she was able to watch Callie. There were still moments when Arizona simple was in awe about this woman.

"So in the end I would like to congratulate Dr. Torres." Jackson was about to finish his speech, it was about Callie, so Arizona was focused. "I think we are all very proud that one of our own will be the special guest of honor at this years TED-conference." Avery finished and Arizona immediately was proud of Callie and so happy for her. Special guest of honor – this is unbelievable rare, just a very, very few people get to be special guest of honor. Quite some people (including Callie last year) are allowed to speak at the conference, but special guest of honor… Arizona needed a great amount of self-control to not stand up and hug Callie. This was…

"Yeah, I am not sure if I will go." Callie said kind of uninterested.

"WHAT?" all the other board member replied as a choir.

"I´ll let you know as soon as I can. I haven't decided yet."

"Shepard go and check that woman's brain." Cristina ordered.

"Is that all?" Callie asked and left the room afterwards.

All the others were talking and discussing Callies behavior. But Arizona suddenly understood where this was coming from. Callie was terrified of speaking in front of people and this time each and every one would be looking at her – all the time. This idea could easily make it into the top 10 of Callies worst nightmares. But this chance was too good to be ignored. Arizona wished so badly she could help her, was still allowed to help her. But this was not her place. Not anymore.

Later that day Arizona met Cristina in the cafeteria.

"So Yang, can I sit with you?" Arizona asked.

"Don't talk about tiny humans. I am eating." Cristina informed her without looking up.

"Actually I wane talk about a grown up human." Arizona tried to start their conversation.

"I am not playing in the ladies team." Cristina stated.

"Yeah, I know. Your marriage to Owen kind of told me that…"

"So what is it then?" Cristina wanted to know.

"Callie."

"I am a Swiss. I don't pick a sight. I lived with her but you were on the plane …"

"Jesus Yang, hear me out."

"You have 40 seconds. If I am not interested then you are on your own."

"She needs to go to that conference." Arizona stated.

"I totally agree."

"Could you please talk to her and tell her that her speech is amazing." Arizona asked.

"I don't even know her speech. Why would I do that?"

"Because this is such a great chance for Callie and you are a nice person. Sometimes."

"Callie is a grown up. If she doesn't want to go, she is a stupid grown up but it is her decision."

"Yang, just talk to her. Try to convince her."

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Cristina wanted to know.

"Are you really asking that?" Arizona thought this was a rhetorical question.

"No."

"So are you talking to her?"

"I´ll think about it." Cristina said and then she just left without a goodbye or anything like that.

By the end of the day Arizona had spoken to Webber, Shepard, Hunt and finally even to Bailey. They should all talk to Callie and try to convince her. Arizona just wished she could have done more. But she had to remind herself – this was not her place. Not anymore. Arizona arrived at the elevator just before the doors could close completely. Already in the elevator was Callie. Of course.

"Hey, you." Arizona greeted meekly.

"Hi." was Callies thoughtful answer.

This elevator had one weird vibe.

"So," Callie began. `_Oh oh´ _Arizona thought. "I had quite a day. Yang, Shepard, Hunt and Bailey came to me today. They all talked to me about that TED thing."

"Well that's nice." Arizona tried so sound as innocently as possible.

"Do you know what was weird?"

"Nope."

"It seemed like they all knew exactly what they had to say. It sounded kind of rehearsed." Callie explained.

"Well how funny is that?" This elevator was really slow.

"Arizona Robbins: did you have something to do with that?" Callie asked a little intimidating.

"No!" Arizona said. Callie gave the look. "Yes." Arizona admitted.

"Stop! Stop trying to trick you way back into my life." Callie stated. "You have no right to do that. So just stay away." Callie explained to Arizona and left the elevator after the doors opened.

"Calliope, wait." Arizona tried to stop her from walking away again. It worked. Callie stopped but didn't turn around. So Arizona had to talk to her back.

"I am sorry for sending the guys to you. I didn't mean to fool you. But you should take this chance, Callie. You think everything you do ends up in disaster – George, Erica, Mark, even us. But I don't want you to be afraid of taking a risk. Because you are amazing. You are an extraordinary doctor and you are so, so brave. You were brave enough to cut off my leg to save my life. You took all the blame. When everything was falling apart you were still standing. You amaze me and everyone around you. And for what it's worth – I am so proud of you. So go take the credit for all your greatness."

Callie was still standing there. Arizona just saw her back. If she could have seen her face she would have seen tears. There was one silent moment, before Callie just walked away without ever looking back. Arizona began to cry as well.

"We are really proud to introduce this years special guest of honor: Dr. Calliope Torres from Grey-Sloan-Memorial Hospital in Seattle."

Callie entered the stage and looked at about 500 people. Her heart slipped into her pants. She closed her eyes, took one deep breath and opened her eyes again.

Now in the audience sat just one blonde woman with that perky smile.

_I am so proud of you._


	4. Chapter 4

**So guys this is it, I am running out of ideas… So please if you have any suggestions – be my guest.**

**This chapter is dedicated to Mark Sloan; R.I.P…**

Arizona has had good day, her parents were in town and they had spent the day with Sofia. Two hours ago she said goodbye to the three of them, because they were going to spend a whole weekend together in Disneyland, just Sofia and her grandparents. Arizona's parents were basically the only grandparents Sofia had. Callies parents were still avoiding them.

Anyway, right now Arizona was sitting at Joes Bar, alone. She didn't want to be at home. Not today at least. Today would be Mark´s birthday and since she lived in his old apartment…

She missed Mark, she really did. He was like a brother to her, a really, really annoying one, but a loved one. She usually didn't think about him, because it simple hurt too much. Arizona had to admit that Mark had always been there for Callie and for her as well. Yes, sometimes he even had been there when they wanted to have some privacy. He had walked in when she took a shower, when she and Callie tried to have sex and when he simple didn't want to be alone. He had been there, always. Arizona would give a lot to get that back, the feeling that he could walk in anytime - preferentially without knocking… She couldn't imagine how this day must be for Callie. Over time Arizona had begun to understand the friendship between Mark and Callie, she respected it. She didn't always like it, but she respected it.

She felt so sorry for Callie, because Arizona could understand what it feels like when you lose your best friend. She never wanted to fight down Callies pain. Callie had lost a lot after that plane crash; Arizona knew that, of course she did. Even in that particular night she knew it. She just had been so freaking angry and insecure. Arizona still believed that Callie couldn't imagine how it was out there in the woods. And she was glad about that, because she would never want for Callie to experience something like that. But in the end Callie carried some scars as well, of course she did.

"Can I get you anything, Dr. Robbins?" Joe, that sweet and friendly bartender asked.

"Yes, scotch need, please." Arizona ordered Marks favorite.

"Make that two, Joe." A voice came from behind. Arizona didn't need to turn around. She instinctively knew it was Callie.

"Is that seat taken?" Callie asked and pointed to the one next to Arizona.

"It is now." Arizona said softly. She saw Callies swollen eyes. She had been crying.

"Well… To Mark then." Callie toasted after their scotch came.

"To Mark." Arizona agreed. And two women who once were so happy together just sat there and remembered their friend.

"Do you remember that time when he always stared at your boops?" Callie asked. She was still riding down memory lane…

"What do you mean with _that time_? It was every time. We started to talk, he looked me in the eyes and then he got distracted and ended up staring and my boops. Every time." Arizona remembered and smiled. Even Callie had to smile, because it was true. That was Mark.

"And I always thought he was more into asses…" Callie suggested.

"We I think he never really made a difference if it was about a woman's body."

"He was such a whore." Callie laughed.

"He really was." Arizona had to agree and she had to laugh as well, because she watched Callie smile. This was pretty rare these days.

"He thought of himself as the golden boy of the hospital."

"Well he had a point." Arizona had to admit.

"He was my best friend. For quite a while he was the closest thing I had to a family." Callie said seriously.

"I know." Arizona felt that Callie just needed to get it out.

"I miss him."

"Me too." Arizona admitted honestly. "Did he ever tell you about our wedding day?" Arizona asked while she kept starring at her scotch. She didn't even like scotch…

"Oh no, please don't tell me he was hitting on you…" Callie said a little bit afraid.

"No, I mean not that he never tried, but on our wedding day he was so sweet to me. When I took a shower that day it just hit me that my brother wasn't going be there. He was dead, she would never meet you or Sofia or even Mark. It just hit me and I needed a moment to miss him. Mark walked in and he hugged me until I was ready to go. He didn't say anything; he didn't make an inappropriate joke. She was just there. He became family to me." Arizona told Callie that story and by telling it, it hurt a little less to remember him.

They sat there in silence for quite a while and because they were together they were able to handle all the memories.

"You know I am so sorry for Sofia. She won't remember him. She won't have one single memory of her own. And that's not fair because Mark loved her so much." After that Callie couldn't hold back the tears. Instinctively Arizona took her hand; she was kind of surprised that Callie didn't pull away. Callie squeezed her hand and looked her in the eyes.

"I know what you mean." Arizona said and looked into her glass again as if it would tell her what to say. She never let go of Callies hand. "I was thinking the exact same thing. Out there in the woods… Mark was lying on my leg, on the good one… He told me to take care of you and Sofia." Arizona began to cry, but she kept talking. "And I desperately wanted for him to stay awake, he said that Lexie was waiting for him and then I told him that we were waiting for him." Arizona recognized that Callie squeezed her hand `_Keep talking honey, I am here_`. "After he became unconscious, I was afraid you know. I didn't want to tell you, that your best friend died in my arms and that I understood why he couldn't fight a little longer… I really hope he is with Lexie now." She said while tears ran silently down her cheek.

"I am sure he is with her…" Callie said softly.

"I never said goodbye to him. We both became unconscious and I woke up in the hospital. I was aware of his condition but I never saw him again. The last thing he said to me was ´take care of our girls´. I wasn't even at his funeral and obviously I didn't take care of you." Arizona stated and she saw how Callie was crying silently as well.

"Well I am sure you did the best you could…"

"You mean it could have come much worse?" Arizona asked and tried to make it sound like joke.

"Not much worse." Callie replied jokingly as well.

They looked in each other's eyes and they both saw it – love: inevitable and indestructible.

"I am so sorry, Callie." Arizona said and broke their moment.

"I know you are." Callie wanted to say more but her phone vibrated. She got a message from Jennifer. "I should go. It is late and… you know."

"Yeah, I know, absolutely. " Arizona agreed and she tried to hide her sadness. Without success.

They both left the bar.

"Well I see you in the hospital." Callie said.

"Yeah, I even have a patient I wanted you to see…" Arizona replied and wiped away her tears.

"Okay…. So goodbye then."

"Goodbye, Callie."

They both went off in different directions. They both looked back and met each other's eyes… Of course they looked back.

_`To Mark!`_


	5. Chapter 5

**Seriously guys: did you see the sneak peek? The one in which Callie dropped the bomb? OMG! What do you think? **

**Anyway: thank you again to those of you who review. It means a lot. "MaybeIShouldGetACat", "Am99", "ItsMeCharlee", "loool66" and of course all the guests. Thank you!**

Arizona was lying on a bench in the gallery of OR 3. It was kind of strange that this was the place where she could find some sleep. At home there was this really loud silence that didn't allow her to really find some rest. She lived in Marks old apartment; she still called it Marks apartment, because she refused to call it home. Home was with Callie and Sofia, home was across the hall, home was not available anymore.

That's what she got herself into. She didn't want to complain or anything, she knew she had no right to – but it hurt. Always. She couldn't really breath, sleep or laugh when Callie wasn't around.

Arizona wanted to fight for their marriage, because God knows it was worth it. But she could see the pain in Callie's eyes every time she tried to talk to her and that's why Arizona decided it would be the best if she would let Callie go. She deserved better – way better. This was the one thing she could do for Callie. Let her go.

"Callie, we should go to a bar – a real bar, not Joes Bar. We should have some really strong Martinis, like really strong." Arizona suddenly heard that familiar voice over the intercom. Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomary was in town.

"Absolutely! I´ll ask Arizona if she could take Sofia tonight and then –when we are done here- we should get drunk." Callie agreed and Arizona heard great anticipation in her voice.

"There it was - the A-Word…" Addison replied; she tried to sound humorous.

"Well, maybe we shouldn't talk about her when I am completely sober." Callie said and Arizona was getting more and more nervous while she was still lying on that bench in the gallery.

"Is it that bad?" Addison wanted to know.

"I don't know what it is or how it is." Callie said kind of defeated.

"Can I say something about your…..situation?"

"I can't stop you, can I?" Callie knew her friend, even Arizona knew Addison by now.

"She is a bitch." Addison stated as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Addison!" Callie said incensed.

_Well, she has a point_ – Arizona had to admit in her head.

"I am allowed to say that because I was mayor of bitch town – years ago after the whole Derek-Mark-fiasco."

"Well… yeah… maybe." Callie tried to end the conversation; she didn't want to talk about this right now. Arizona could tell just by hearing her voice.

"Are you trying to defend her?" Addison asked surprised.

"No! I mean kind of... I just don't want to talk about her."

"I understand." Addison replied softly. "But honey, you should talk about her. You don't have to talk to me. But if you don't let it out it will eat you alive."

"It's not that I don't want to talk to you… It's more like I don't know what to say."

"Okay. But she is still a bitch." Addison tried to lighten the mood.

"Our attorney called yesterday…" Callie started.

"Oh no, please don't tell me she sued you."

"Addison, really?"

"I am sorry, keep talking."

"He said we could finalize the divorce."

_Oh no_ – Arizona thought.

"Is this what you want?" Addison wanted to know.

"I don't know. I mean we are broken up and it is the next thing to do, but…"

"But you don't want to divorce her." Addison finished Callie's sentences. "From my experience –and I have quite a few- sometimes you should let each other go, you know. As long as you still respect each other you should separate with dignity." Addison suggested.

"Yeah, maybe we should just get it over with."

"What I am trying to tell you is that there will be a happy end for you." Addison said encouragingly.

"Really?" Callie was not so sure.

"Yes. I was beyond broken after my husband became _McDreamy_. I thought that was it, I had my chance and I screwed it. But look at me now: I have a family, I am happily married, I work with my friends and I can watch young surfer boys from my home – every morning."

"Jesus, are you a member of a sect?" Callie tried to joke.

"Yes, we call ourselves ´_the happy people_´."

"I understand what you mean."

"I sense a _but_ coming."

"I don't know if I want a happy end…. without her." Callie hesitated to admit.

"Callie?"

"Mhh."

"Are you still in love with her?"

"Yes." And Arizona's heart up in the gallery skipped a beat. "But I don't want to, you know. I want to say: this is over. Let's find a way to make the best out of it for Sofia. But… I just… I can't."

"Do you want her back?"

"Yes… NO! It's just: I don't want to be a woman who forgives everything, you know. I am strong and independent and hardcore."

"Damn right you are!"

"And there is so much broken trust… Even if we would want to I don't know if we could repair this… All I know is that my life doesn't feel like my life anymore." Arizona started to cry while she was listening to all that. She couldn't believe what she had put her wife through.

"Callie, you have been broken up for over a year now." Addison stated.

"Yeah, I know. It's pathetic, isn't it?"

"No, it's not. It's what it feels like when you are meant to be. We –the happy people- we call it love." Addison said softly and jokingly as well.

"And do you have an advice?"

"Not really. Listen to your heart? Maybe. Something like that."

"My heart stutters and mumbles."

"You just have to ask yourself what kind of life you want. With or without her?"

With that Arizona's pager started to vibrate. She needed to go, the her patients needed her…

Arizona Robbins had a smile on her face while she ran down the hall to help one tiny human.

_Hope_.


End file.
